October 2021

A Month of Stress

Yes, I know that is usually December, however the end of September and all of October are a massive area of stress for me, at least this year. Not many people know that I am my mother's general care-giver, helping her manage her diabetes. This year I have the added disadvantage of dealing with her upcoming heart surgery fears and after-care. Come to think of it, I've always been stressed out at around this time of year since 1986, when I turned eleven and became the school pariah. Being small in stature and hormonally dead was the kiss of death with my peers back then. Come to think of it, I'm still both. It took several years to realize that I actually have the unique gift of being the only person in the middle of a room and still remain unseen by anyone who looks in. I discovered that I am also a monumental bore when I discovered I have the talent to put my own parents to sleep by uttering a single syllable. As you can guess none of this is very good for a person's self-esteem, which is probably why I became a writer. The creation of imaginary worlds and people erased most of the pain I felt from the abrupt ending of former friendships in '86 and the decision to use my strange gift of being unseen even if someone is looking straight at me helps with my resolve to live a reclusive life. I know, this sounds like a mass of depression, maybe it is, but reality can be depressing hence my continual journeys to fantasy. Speaking of which I am still writing two books as we speak, but the current health problems in my family circle have slowed things down a mite. I am still working on them. 

For those who may want to know how I deal with stress, that is simple. I have a love of music from Beethoven and Bach to the Beatles, from Strauss to Queen, Mozart to the Monkees, James Galway and Celtic Thunder to Elton John and Abba etc. The list is almost endless, except for Country and Heavy Metal. With the exception of Queen I cannot deal too well with any music that is primarily loud as I have sensitive hearing, and the same goes for any music form that hints at whining. I also have a love of old movies and television shows with MGM musicals and British shows such as The Two Ronnies, Last of the Summer Wine, and Space: 1999 heading the list. Between the two I can shrug off stress easily and I am not actually depressed. To be honest, I'm actually proud of my ability to take any insult with grace and I revel in the lack of visibility I seem to possess. The one thing that bugs me is the minor little fact that I haven't the first idea of how to take a compliment. Thankfully, that's never come up.